V(ixit) an(nos) LII
d(is) M(anibus) Ti(beri) Claudi Secundi
hic secum habet omnia
balnea vina Venus
nostra set vitam faciunt b(alnea) v(ina) V(enus)
karo contubernal(i) fec(it)
Merope Caes(aris) et sibi
et suis p(osterisque) e(orum)
He lived 52 years. To the spirits of the departed Tiberius Claudius Secundus. Here he has everything with him. Baths, wine and Venus [i.e. sex or love] corrupt our bodies, but they make life – baths, wine and Venus. Merope, freedwoman of Caesar made this for her dear companion, herself and their family and their descendants. (tr. Valerie Hope)
Hospes, adhuc tumuli ni meias ossa prec[antur,
nam, si vis (h)uic gratior esse, caca.
Urticae monumenta vides; discede, cacator.
non est hic tutum culu(m) aperire tibi.
Stranger, the bones ask you not to piss at this tomb, for, if you want to be more agreeable to this man, shit. You see Nettle’s* tomb; away from here, shitter; it is not safe for you to open your bowels here.
* The point is a pun on the name of the hypothetical deceased (for the name Urtica see CIL 5.3637; it is also known as a female name); as the cacator squats, he is in danger of being stung by an urtica, a nettle.