Kallipugoi

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Οὕτω δ’ ἐξήρτηντο τῶν ἡδυπαθειῶν οἱ τότε ὡς καὶ Καλλιπύγου Ἀφροδίτης ἱερὸν ἱδρύσασθαι ἀπὸ τοιαύτης αἰτίας. ἀνδρὶ ἀγροίκῳ ἐγένοντο δύο καλαὶ θυγατέρες· αὗται φιλονικήσασαί ποτε πρὸς ἑαυτὰς προελθοῦσαι ἐπὶ τὴν λεωφόρον διεκρίνοντο ποτέρα εἴη καλλιπυγοτέρα. καί ποτε παρίοντος νεανίσκου πατέρα πρεσβύτην ἔχοντος ἐπέδειξαν ἑαυτὰς καὶ τούτῳ· καὶ ὃς θεασάμενος ἔκρινε τὴν πρεσβυτέραν· ἧς καὶ εἰς ἔρωτα ἐμπεσὼν ἐλθὼν εἰς ἄστυ κλινήρης γίνεται καὶ διηγεῖται τὰ γεγενημένα τῷ ἀδελφῷ ἑαυτοῦ ὄντι νεωτέρῳ. ὁ δὲ καὶ αὐτὸς ἐλθὼς εἰς τοὺς ἀγροὺς καὶ θεασάμενος τὰς παῖδας ἐρᾷ καὶ αὐτὸς τῆς ἑτέρας. ὁ δ’ οὖν πατὴρ ἐπεὶ παρακαλῶν αὐτοὺς ἐνδοξοτέρους λαβεῖν γάμους οὐκ ἔπειθεν, ἄγεται ἐκ τοῦ ἀγροῦ τὰς παῖδας αὐτοῖς, πείσας ἐκείνων τὸν πατέρα, καὶ ζεύγνυσι τοῖς υἱοῖς. αὗται οὖν ὑπὸ τῶν πολιτῶν Καλλίπυγοι ἐκαλοῦντο, ὡς καὶ ὁ Μεγαλοπολίτης Κερκιδᾶς ἐν τοῖς Ἰάμβοις ἱστορεῖ λέγων·
ἦν καλλιπύγων ζεῦγος ἐν Συρακούσαις. [fr. 14]
αὗται οὖν ἐπιλαβόμεναι οὐσίας λαμπρᾶς ἱδρύσαντο Ἀφροδίτης ἱερὸν καλέσασαι Καλλίπυγον τὴν θεόν, ὡς ἱστορεῖ καὶ Ἀρχέλαος ἐν τοῖς Ἰάμβοις.
(Athenaeus, Deipnosophistai 12.554c-e)

People in those days were so attached to a life of luxury that they actually dedicated a temple to Aphrodite Kallipugos (“of the Beautiful Ass”), for the following reason. A farmer had two beautiful daughters, who got into an argument with one another one day and went out to the road and began soliciting opinions as to which of them had the nicer ass. A young fellow, whose father was an old man, came along at that point, and they showed themselves off to him. After he saw them, he voted for the older girl and fell in love with her; and after he reached the city he got sick, and told his brother, who was younger than him, what had happened. His brother also went out into the country, and after he got a look at the girls, he fell in love with the other one. Their father tried to convince them to marry someone more respectable; but when he failed to convince them, he fetched the girls for them from the countryside, having persuaded their father, and joined them to his sons in marriage. The inhabitants of the city accordingly referred to them as the Kallipugoi (“Women with Beautiful Asses”), as Cercidas of Megalopolis reports in his Iambs, where he says:
There were a pair of kallipugoi in Syracuse.
After the became owners of some valuable property, therefore, they dedicated a temple to Aphrodite and called the goddess Kallipugos, according to Archelaus in his Iambs (SH 131). (tr. Stuart Douglas Olson)

Hugiainein

Ὑγιαίνειν μὲν ἄριστον ἀνδρὶ θνητῷ,
δεύτερον δὲ καλὸν φυὰν γενέσθαι,
τὸ τρίτον δὲ πλουτεῖν ἀδόλως,
καὶ τὸ τέταρτον ἡβᾶν μετὰ τῶν φίλων.

ᾀσθέντος δὲ τούτου καὶ πάντων ἡσθέντων ἐπ’ αὐτῷ καὶ μνημονευσάντων ὅτι καὶ ὁ καλὸς Πλάτων αὐτοῦ μέμνηται ὡς ἄριστα εἰρημένου [Gorg. 451e] ὁ Μυρτίλος ἔφη Ἀναξανδρίδην αὐτὸ διακεχλευακέναι τὸν κωμῳδιοποιὸν ἐν Θησαυρῷ λέγοντα οὕτως [fr. 18 K.-A.]·

ὁ τὸ σκόλιον εὑρὼν ἐκεῖνος, ὅστις ἦν,
τὸ μὲν ὑγιαίνειν πρῶτον ὡς ἄριστον ὂν
ὠνόμασεν ὀρθῶς· δεύτερον δ’ εἶναι καλόν,
τρίτον δὲ πλουτεῖν, τοῦθ’, ὁρᾷς, ἐμαίνετο·
μετὰ τὴν ὑγίειαν γὰρ τὸ πλουτεῖν διαφέρει·
καλὸς δὲ πεινῶν ἐστιν αἰσχρὸν θηρίον.

(Athenaeus, Deipn. 15.694e-f)

To be healthy is best for mortal man, second is to be handsome in body, third is to be wealthy without trickery, fourth, to be young with one’s friends.

When this song had been sung and everyone had enjoyed it and commented that the excellent Plato mentions it as a splendid composition (Gorg. 451e)*, Myrtilus pointed out that the comic poet Anaxandrides made fun of it in his Treasure in these lines:

The man who devised the scolion, whoever he was, was right to name health first as the best thing; but when he put a handsome body second and wealth third he was out of his mind, of course, for wealth is next best to health: a handsome man who is hungry is an ugly beast.

* The scholiast on Plato says it was sometimes attributed to Simonides (see fr. 651), sometimes to Epicharmus (cf. fr. 262 Kaibel); Clement of Alexandria ascribed it to Simonides and Aristotle, Stobaeus to an unknown Sclerias.

(tr. David A. Campbell, with his note)

Note: K.-A. = R. Kassel & C. Austin (edd.), Poetae Comici Graeci, vol. II, Berlin / New York 1991.