Stimuleum

[PERIPLECTOMENVS. SCELEDRVS]

PER. An quia latrocinamini, arbitramini
quidvis licere vobis, verbero?
SCE. licetne?
PER. at ita me di deaeque omnes ament
nisi mi supplicium virgarum de te datur
longum diutinumque, a mani ad vesperum,
quod meas confregisti imbrices et tegulas,
ibi dum condignam te sectatu’s simiam,
quodque inde inspectavisti meum apud me hospitem
amplexum amicam, quom osculabatur, suam,
quodqu’ concubinam erilem insimulare ausus es
probri pudicam meque summi flagiti,
tum quod tractavisti hospitam ante aedis meas:
nisi mi supplicium stimuleum de te datur,
dedecoris pleniorem erum faciam tuom
quam magno vento plenum est undarum mare.
(Plautus, Miles Gloriosus 499-513)

[PERIPLECTOMENVS. SCELEDRVS]

PER. Do you think that because you’re mercenaries you can do anything you like, you whipping-stock?
SCE. May I?
PER. As truly as all the gods and goddesses may love me, unless I’m given your punishment with rods as compensation, a long and enduring one, from dawn till dusk, because you broke my top and bottom tiles while you were chasing after a monkey quite worthy of yourself, and because you watched my guest from there while he was embracing and kissing his girlfriend, and because you dared to accuse your master’s chaste concubine of unchastity and me of the greatest wickedness, and finally because you mistreated my guest in front of my house: unless I’m given your punishment with rods as compensation, I’ll fill your master with more disgrace than the sea has waves when there’s a strong wind. (tr. Wolfgang De Melo)

Ferrea

[TOXILVS. DORDALVS]

TOX. Si hanc emeris –
di immortales! – nullus leno te alter erit opulentior.
evortes tuo arbitratu homines fundis, familiis;
cum optumis viris rem habebis, gratiam cupient tuam:
uenient ad te comissatum.
DOR. at ego intro mitti votuero.
TOX. at enim illi noctu occentabunt ostium, exurent fores:
proin tu tibi lubeas concludi aedis foribus ferreis,
ferreas aedis commutes, limina indas ferrea,
ferream seram atque anellum; ne sis ferro parseris:
ferreas tute tibi impingi iubeas crassas compedis.
DOR. i in malum cruciatum.
TOX. i sane tu… hanc eme; ausculta mihi.
(Plautus, Persa 564-574)

TOX. If you buy her – immortal gods! – no pimp will be better off than you. You’ll turn men out of their estates and households as you please; you’ll have dealings with men of the highest rank, they’ll be keen on your favor and come to you for their drinks parties.
DOR. Well, I won’t let them in.
TOX. Well, they’ll serenade your door at night and burn down its panels. So you should have your house closed with an iron door, you should change your house to an iron one, put in an iron lintel and threshold and an iron bar and door ring. Please don’t be economical with iron: you should have heavy iron shackles put on yourself.
DOR. Go and be hanged.
TOX. No, you go… and buy her; listen to me.
(tr. Wolfgang De Melo)

Insperata

[SCAPHA. PHILEMATIVM]

SCA.                                                                               Stulta es plane
quae illum tibi aeternum putes fore amicum et benevolentem.
moneo ego te: te ille deseret aetate et satietate.
PHI.       non spero.
SCA.                     insperata accidunt magis saepe quam quae speres.
(Plautus, Mostellaria 194-197)

SCA.     You’re plain stupid for believing that he’ll remain your friend and benefactor for ever. I remind you: he’ll leave you when you’re older and he’s colder.
PHI.     I hope not.
SCA.     Things you don’t hope for happen more often than things you do hope for.
(tr. Wolfgang De Melo)

Ferrea

[TOXILVS. DORDALVS]

TOX.                                   Ex tuo, inquam, usu est: eme hanc.
DOR.      edepol qui quom hanc magis contemplo, magis placet.
TOX.                                                                              si hanc emeris –
di immortales! – nullus leno te alter erit opulentior.
evortes tuo arbitratu homines fundis, familiis;
cum optumis viris rem habebis, gratiam cupient tuam:
venient ad te comissatum.
DOR.                                                 at ego intro mitti votuero.
TOX.      at enim illi noctu occentabunt ostium, exurent fores:
proin tu tibi iubeas concludi aedis foribus ferreis,
ferreas aedis commutes, limina indas ferrea,
ferream seram atque anellum; ne sis ferro parseris:
ferreas tute tibi impingi iubeas crassas compedis.
DOR.      i in malum cruciatum.
TOX.                                                 i sane tu… hanc eme; ausculta mihi.
(Plautus, Persa 563-574)

TOX.      It’s to your advantage, I tell you: buy her.
DOR.      Indeed, the more I look at her, the more I like her.
TOX.    If you buy her – immortal gods! – no pimp will be better off than you. You’ll turn men out of their estates and households as you please; you’ll have dealings with men of the highest rank, they’ll be keen on your favor and come to you for their drinks parties.
DOR.    Well, I won’t let them in.
TOX.    Well, they’ll serenade your door at night and burn down its panels. So you should have your house closed with an iron door, you should change your house to an iron one, put in an iron lintel and threshold and an iron bar and door ring. Please don’t be economical with iron: you should have heavy iron shackles put on yourself.
DOR.    Go and be hanged.
TOX.    No, you go… and buy her; listen to me.
(tr. Wolfgang De Melo)