Σχολαστικῷ τις ἀπαντήσας εἶπεν· “ὁ δοῦλος, ὃν ἐπώλησάς μοι, ἀπέθανε.” – “μὰ τοὺς θεούς,” ἔφη, “παρ’ ἐμοὶ ὅτε ἦν, τοιοῦτον οὐδὲν ἐποίησεν.”
(Philogelos 18)

A man goes up to a student dunce and says, ‘The slave you sold me died.’ ‘By the gods,’ counters the dunce, ‘when he was with me, he never did any such thing!’ (tr. William Berg)



Σχολαστικῷ τὴν σταφυλὴν τμηθέντι παρήγγειλεν ὁ ἰατρὸς μὴ λαλεῖν. ὁ δὲ τῷ δούλῳ αὐτοῦ ἐπέταξεν ἀντασπάζεσθαι ἀντ’ αὐτοῦ τοὺς προσαγορεύοντας. εἶτα αὐτὸς πρὸς ἕκαστον ἔλεγε· “μὴ πρὸς ὕβριν αὐτὸ δέξῃ, εἰ ὁ δοῦλός μου ἀντ’ ἐμοῦ ἀσπάζεταί σε· ἐκέλευσε γάρ με ὁ ἰατρὸς μὴ λαλεῖν.”
(Philogelos 7)

A student dunce has his uvula removed. After the operation, the doctor tells him not to try talking. So whenever anyone greets him, he has his slave return the greeting. But then he explains to each one, ‘Don’t feel insulted that my slave does the greeting for me: my doctor told me not to talk.’ (tr. William Berg)



Σχολαστικὸς κολυμβῶν παρὰ μικρὸν ἐπνίγη· ὤμοσε δὲ εἰς ὕδωρ μὴ εἰσελθεῖν, ἐὰν μὴ μάθῃ πρῶτον καλῶς κολυμβᾶν.
(Philogelos 2a)

A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he’ll never get into water until he’s really learned to swim. (tr. William Berg)