Candelabrus

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Tam magnus ex Asia veni, quam hic candelabrus est. ad summam, quotidie me solebam ad illum metiri, et ut celerius rostrum barbatum haberem, labra de lucerna ungebam. tamen ad delicias ipsimi annos quattuordecim fui. nec turpe est quod dominus iubet. ego tamen et ipsimae satis faciebam. scitis, quid dicam.
(Petronius, Sat. 75.10-11)

When I came from Asia I was the size of this here lampstand. In fact, every day I used to measure myself next to it, and so I’d get a beard on my beak faster, I smeared my lips with lamp oil. Still I was the toyboy of the Mister for 14 years. It’s not disgusting, what your owner orders. But me, I was satisfying the Mrs, too. You all know what I mean. (tr. Amy Richlin)

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